This idea to share hard life moments (HLM) was inspired when I went through this particular situation and could not find much on the depths of doubt when you find yourself unemployed.
In 2016, I was incredibly unhappy with my job. I was in a constant state of stress, not sleeping, working 50-60 hours a week, and not taking care of myself. Long story short, I was looking for a new position and trying to find something that would give me a job that I could separate from. I no longer wanted to work on Christmas, have to answer work calls during dinner, or just have a weekend free. Nothing was really happening but to be fair, I wasn’t putting a full effort into it because I was trying to manage a very full workload.
I took a long weekend for Halloween, had someone cover my on-call phones, and went out and had a good time with my boyfriend and his friends. I was getting back into the spin of things that week and went into work Friday with this horrible vibe. I knew something bad was happening for someone, I just didn’t realize it was me. My supervisor called me into her office and truly out of the blue, I was told it wasn’t working and we (the company and I) needed to go our separate ways.
I have really never felt such a crushing feeling – I cried, I asked why, I didn’t understand. I have only received 1 write-up in my entire life, which was at this job, and that was because I sent a email 1 hour past the deadline and had an additional training for something I was struggling with. I thought things were going better then they had been. I thought I was still afloat. Truly, it was like the wind was knocked out of me.
Fortunately, this meant that I got unemployment because there was no paper trail for my termination. I had already been looking for a job, so I just assumed that a new job would be on the horizon and soon. However, I forgot to factor in the lack of confidence and faith in my abilities that comes from being fired and not knowing why. I had this paralyzing fear that only increased as the months went on, where I would open up my resumes, job search websites, and would stare, unable to type anything or do anything because I couldn’t muster an iota of confidence to say “HIRE ME! I am great! Here’s why.” Honestly, I would open it up and cry most days.
I never took the time to decompress or to just relax. I beat myself up and any doubt I ever had in myself in my entire life surfaced. My identity was in that job, I didn’t have a hobby, I was already up to my eyes in unhealthy habits because of the stress I had from my job, and I had no idea how to cope. Most days I would sit at the edge of my bed and stare because I just wanted a break and to breathe, but I felt so guilty to not be working towards something. All in all, I rewrote my resume over hundreds of times, applied to 400+ jobs, and went on a few interviews. This was over the span of EIGHT months, until I was desperate for anything and took a job that I went into not wanting and thought I wouldn’t accept.
It was who I met there that got me to where I am today. I could never be more thankful now for the blessings this life changing moment created.
Part 2 will dive into the blessings of this HLM, coming Wednesday.
Relentlessly Stephanie 